Super New.

i think i smoked my last cigarette. it's time...

the only two bloggers (the best in the biz!) i keep up with these days talked about blogging in their recent posts. god those are good memories. at it's peek, i believe i kept up with over 50 blogs... i would keep up with more now, but i don't know where the hell everyone went!

i miss edge already... i have jason on facebook, but haven't asked if he's writing. shane and i keep in touch with facebook, as well as nameless and claire.

where the hell is:
laine
charkey
stacey
jenn

there's tons more, like garrison, tank, ed... some i can't even remember their names.

but, there are those few that i will never, ever forget. love you guys!

Five Dollar Lunch.

she always sits close and our eyes normally cross when reaching for cigarettes or when someone says something funny in the group and you need to look at other people to confirm the fact that what they say is funny and it is totally okay to laugh.

i love watching her talk... her eyes so focused on the words coming out of her mouth that she doesn't notice me focusing on her legs trying to show me something better. sometimes her arms are naked and i can see her underarms. i imagine pulling her arms above her head and running my hands through her armpits. i think about pulling her legs open so i can see the definition of her tight shorts.

i hope she has a similar story.

Quartz.

life is normal again.

right here is exactly where i need to be. but first, i need to get caught up on you guys.

Ultra Hits.

i went through a long spell where i didn't have anything to do... i mean, there was work and then more work. for years i never knew where my next assignment would take me. four hours from home... six hours from home... living in a travel trailer or in a hotel or shacked up in an apartment.

then i moved back home and took a job twenty minutes away just to have no time for me. i've worked on my marriage since i walked down the aisle. i've loved my kids until i'm just another goofy dad that's "in the way"...

i'll never grow up. i'll always opt for another beer or the next bar. yet, i'm painfully old and bored.

i've kept me on the shelf for so long i'm vintage. maybe it's time for a club banger.

strong bad.

it's hard to remember to brush you teeth when there's no hot water.

i feel horrible and i have no excuse other than i've been busy. busy with life and work and a wee bit of spare time.

i started reading a book last week... "go go girls of the apocolypse". the book makes me want to be here. i haven't read anything in so long... no books, no blogs.

updates are strange. i could go on forever about how much i love my wife and kids and how great they are... but is anyone even listening?

i'm so weak i can't even write for myself.

lip balm.

i woke late to the sound of nothing. no alarm clock, no tv in the background. honestly, it startled me. not because i'm afraid of quiet or waking up to nothing...
i wish that i could write everything out, because you deserve to know. to be honest though, much of my life isn't exactly pretty.
i have never given up... not for a second. i have fought and scraped against everything that's been put in path because even though it's not perfect... this is my life.
i'm sure that i'll share more in my writing, bits and pieces filtered into short, rambling posts. and i will write more.
i can finally write.
so... i woke up to something this morning. it wasn't sound. no one was touching me. but something did startle me... something so damn foreign that i had forgotten what it feels like. this morning, i knew i was loved.

free power.

the previous post is me sounding pathetic, which i'm not.

i was having a bad day... we all go through those, right?

yesterday was my youngest son's birthday... tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. life throws funny curves. you twist and bend to adapt, and more often than not, it changes as you become familiar.

i don't want to change... i don't want to lose these moments i have with my kids. i'm afraid of life's curves. i'm afraid that my kids will grow up too soon.